Dear Die-ry ,
6:26 PM

Originally wanted to go out for lunch .
I woke up and then saw that it's 5 already , then I sian diao already .
Then Xiaogui called . Talk awhile . Our lifes are so boring .

Anyway , I've got a new blogskin already . Created yesterday , used up 12 hours . I this morning 6am then completed sia . Later I have to edit my profile that place . My big photo is there siol .
My most colorful blogskin of all , comments ? :D

I love these two songs in my blog . Super nice sia .

Later I come back to blog again . Tatas .

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Hi I am back . This post is edited . I find that it's cheating if I typed too many posts on one day . Lmao . Yeah . I got lots of things to say suddenly .

I was trying to sleep from just now till now . cannot already . already attempt to sleep before 5 . nevermind . then i think alot alot . what matter i do to make myself sleep , i couldnt do so . dhen my mind started to wander really far .
I have been wondering . am i such a bad person that i've lived to deserve all this punishments ? i thought of those few guys that i got involved with , in the past , or maybe they stil have an impact on me now .
Let's named them . i dont need to consider whether you do know them anot because i dont care alot you know .
There are , 4 people i guess . they really make my head goes round and round . dont blame me for thinking so much , i dont mean it you know ? look and you'll know i've no much choice .
They are , A , J , K , L . this letters dont mean anything . i just like to use this letters ok , dont think too much .

A . this guy touched me very easily . i dont know why . everytime i got close to him i will fall in love . i really tried to control myself this time . i guess i did . i keep persuading myself he is just a plain flirt . and remind myself what a friend told me about him . that's how i got past . he's just a miracle . he could ease me from other pains . giving good advices . cheering me up . small things he said could just make me smile the whole day . he couldnt make me angry for anything , except making me liking him more and more . i dont know why falling in love is easy while forgetting a love is so darn difficult . in conclusion , i dont think i have any fate with this guy . he's just the perfect dream guy i have in my mind . dream guy . DREAM .

J . i shall make this obvious . and this alphabet just suits him alot . he made my life turn upside down , once . he's one that could almost make me do anything . although my love for him is subsiding to almost afew percent , i couldnt bring myself to forget him . i cant control myself but to be jealous of what he had done for other girls . like some recent issues . i am kinda jealous for dont know what . and i think think think . i am just so afraid that the feeling is so , so coming back . i've been wondering if he had something for me . but i think thats kind of daydreaming again . small actions he did will let me think too much and make my mind wander . memories are not yet erased . although i told people that memories are meant to be kept , but me , myself , cant wait to forget them . because , memories , for me , mean an obstacle against forgetting someone . it's hard . it's really hard . my love for him must be really deep . for A , my passion in love for him isnt that great also you know . no matter how people say that what J did to me is really too much , i never hated him . yes , i dont hate him at all . and the thought of him coming back will haunt me every now and then . it's really tiring . disappear from my life will you . just when i was about to , you appeared once again . i could not forget i guess . but , no more love after all .

K , the guy that had ever love me so much in his and my whole life . should be the only guy that love me more than i do for him . no matter how much hurt i brought to him , how many times i stab his heart , he will always be there for me , be there to forgive me , be there to lend me a shoulder . words he said always touches me . his jokes always make me laugh . how irritating he is , i couldnt bring myself to hate me . or even , make me 又恨又爱。there isnt a day where i'll not think of him . i couldnt help , but worry about him too . i really hope he is going to be fine , this time . for the last time . i prayed and prayed . i really hope he will be alright . i dont know how to imagine my life , their life , without him . i enjoyed the love life i had with him once , his smiles , his concerns , his stupid face , his stupid voice . the first time ever , i initiate to hug someone . god , please bless him , really . he isnt stupid , he's just blur and abit slow . he's got a bright future . how easy is it to find a job if he isnt going to be alright ? i treated him as my guardian angel , haha , must be very silly , you think ? but things he wrote , just make me feel so . i wanna be his guardian angel too .

L . this guy . i guess from now till forever i will have this tiny crush on him . i know you must be very tired reading this already , ridiculous right , so many boys in my life one . hah . but , whatever he says , although means to be evil and mean , is music to my ears . talking to him and have his eyes on me , or did you call this infactuation ? omfg , i cant help it but he's just damn handsome in the way i imagined him to be alrights T.T

L is not that much , i guess . just a tiny crush . i am really sorry , if after reading this , your opinion of me just changed alot alot . but to say again , i have no choice , it's chicken for me to fall in love bodoh , i can just control abit lor . i control here , control there , ending up having crushes everywhere . yeah , shoot me dead la . but , i can tell you , all of them are important to me , at least for now ):

If you are kind of irritated or disgusted by what i write , i could only say a big big sorry . because this is my dear blog and i really want to tell these feelings to someone , somewhere . i cant help it . i am sorry .

Anw , other then that , i find that true , good , trusted friend are hard to find . Now i have two i guess , but i guess that's enough . Actually one is enough . But suddenly , both turns to be important to me . Sometimes i complained of total boredness at home because i have no much friends and no one is asking me out . But sometimes i think , its not about the quantity , but the quality . And i will be happy , having one perfectly true friend that i will always turn to , who is there whenever i had troubles , someone that i couldnt live without . And another .one that just had a smile that will make me happy when i think of it , had completely same thinkings and someone i find that is kind of important in my life .

That's how i live life ba . Maybe Alvin is right . my attitude is what that chases everyone away , making me lonely at times . But really , being my friend , of course i will try to be good , but if they really treat me as their friends , they must really sometimes ignore or adapt to my attitude . I am sorry , but this is me . I find it really tiring to try to adapt to many many different people . Sometimes i just wanted to live life my own way , for a short while . But in another minute i might got despised , hated .

Hope this group of friends will really last long , very very long . I dont want to keep finding and losing important people all the times you know . I am going to be further away with my classmates and dancemates , they will be living with their lifes , and sometimes i have to move on with my life like this , too . I know i will be losing them soon or later , so i chose not to interrupt . Dont anyhow anyhow leih , they are very important people of my life you know ?

Jiaren , although the bottle has broken , but our friendship confirmed isnt . No worries ! It's just a fragile bottle , unlike our frienship . Thanks for all those concerns , smiles and advices you gave me . You are the greatest support when i am completely lost , in school . Thanks a million , dearest .

Liting & Jiaen , the 3 of us has gone through alot alot of things that made us dropped too much tears . But from all those experiences , i am sure we've learnt alot of things from it . Bitchy , i want to be the slutty that gets crazie and laugh over stupid things you'll remember . Cherry , i sure cherished this unusual and precious friendship since Sec One , many sorries left unsaid , i've learnt my lesson . If you've ever forgotten how our old days were like , my archives are always available and undeleted ! :D

Jiayee , my first bestfriend since i came into Riverside . My past , your past , we were always with each other . Every exam period , we'll never fail to stick to each other . You've helped me in my life alot , and you were always there , whether i'm in school or not . Thanks alot sister , my most beloved sister .

Meiling , Xinting , Meixia & other cdancers , though we've drifted apart and not close anymore , all of you sure have a place in my heart , all the time , through my life . Thanks for those laughters that make my school days in Riverside worthwhile .

Why did i suddenly get all emotional already ? Dont worry , i'm far too strong to drop any tears ;D

Guess it's time for me to sleep already , 5.55am right now . Good morning people , time for school ! Haha . But who will on computer in the morning sia . Okok . Tata . I love all my stupid friends :D